[SB] Sabbath Blessing

[Molly Wolf]

Memes

It would probably drive Richard Dawkins, who invented the word 
"meme", absolutely nuts to have a specifically Christian writer using 
his word, because Dawkins is a rampant atheist. But them's the breaks 
with neologisms. You invent a word and put it out there and lo! your 
control over it vanishes.

"Meme" is a useful notion: a unit of culture that can be passed 
around, rather like a virus, or passed down, rather like a gene. The 
possibilities are endless, from earworms to racism, from the proper 
way to hold a fork or whether we sit on chairs or squat. Some memes 
(obviously) fit together better than others and form memeplexes: 
Dawkins sees religions as being memeplexes. His notion is that memes 
and memeplexes are subject to evolutionary forces. And he has a 
point. We hold some truths to be immutable, but theology *does* 
evolve as we wrap in new understandings and confront new issues. Some 
would say this is a good thing; others would disagree.

Memes propel our behaviour in particular directions. For example, the 
college that my parents and grandparents attended passes along a 
memeplex of idealism, modesty, non-materialism, and social 
responsibility; I see the same meme at work in (say) the United 
Church of Canada or in my daughter-in-love or in the volunteers at 
the local Humane Society. Dawkins would probably spit if I said that 
I thought it was a good memeplex, because memes, like genes, aren't 
good in and of themselves, but only in how they express themselves. I 
got a bit of that memeplex from my parents and grandparents, but I 
caught the real thing by attending that particular college, and it 
has shaped a lot of my own life choices. I've passed it along to my kids.

That memeplex fits very nicely with a memeplex that my kids got from 
their father's rural Nova Scotian side of the family, one of 
generosity, hospitality, gentleness, genuine humility (of the best 
sort), and general kindness. The two memes reinforced each other. 
There's a belongingness of deep unselfishness there, and it shines 
(halleluia!) through my sons.

But families can hand along madly conflicting memes. For example, my 
mother's family passed along a nasty memeplex involving avarice, 
intellectual arrogance, competition, disconnection, 
achievement-worship, and social snobbery, much of it culturally 
inculcated and rooted in dysfunctional parenting memes of their 
times. Ick-meme. But they also passed on that college memeplex of 
idealism and responsibility. Crazy-making, those conflicting memeplexes.

We choose our memes, too. In middle age, my mother chose a 
faith-based memeplex (which she carefully nurtured) of courtesy, 
humility, patience, non-judgmental understanding, and theological 
curiosity, and it's for that, and not for the memes she inherited, 
that I would choose to have her remembered.That choice was the fruit, 
I believe, of the Spirit.

So what's the point? Why is this of any particular interest?

Because it may make it a little easier to deal with the stuff that 
drives us nuts. For example, I have a notion -- a meme -- of what 
love is supposed to be like; if someone who claims to love me acts 
differently, I see at as unloving behaviour and react accordingly. 
But in fact, the other person may be being pushed around by a meme 
that has nothing whatsoever to do with love -- because memes do 
actually propel behaviour. If I'm aware of that possibility, I can 
better control my own reactivity.

Most of the stuff that drives me batty has to do with meme conflicts, 
like those in my mother's family. I am too apt to pass judgment 
without remembering that what's pulling my chain isn't chosen 
behaviour; it's behaviour that's propelled by forces of which the 
other person may be completely unaware. Likewise, memes of which I am 
completely unaware may be propelling me in ways that drive that other 
person batty.

When a person proclaims one message and acts its opposite, is it 
really hypocrisy, or is one meme in charge of the talk and a 
completely different (and likely unrecognized) meme propelling the 
walk? When someone's apparently in total denial about a problem, is 
there perhaps a subterranean meme-war going on that has simply shut 
that person down and paralyzed any self-insight? At least those are 
possibilities I can think about, instead of simply going off half-cocked.

It lets me see things differently; I do not have a meme for simple 
cruelty, for example, because it's been ruthlessly bred out of my 
particular culture. But I can see cultures in which that meme is 
highly active. It doesn't stop me from seeing that meme as wholly 
negative, and I have the responsibility to oppose it as best I can, 
but it does mean that I can understand *why* a little better.

In short, thinking memetically has the possibility of defusing my hot 
buttons and keeping my judgmental streak (a meme right there!) on a 
much shorter leash. Which would be a Good Thing.

But the same goes for judging myself, at which I am exceptionally 
talented. The past makes more sense when I think in terms of 
conflicting memes. I'm not responsible for the content of what I 
inherited, but I can claim some credit for having deliberately chosen 
some memes as positive and having just as deliberately rejected others.

My family's meme of avarice, for example: I gave that one the 
yo-heave-ho back in my early 20s, and while that rejection means that 
I'm facing a fiscally challenged old age, at least it's left my soul 
a little sweeter. Every now and again, when I come into contact with 
that toxic old meme, it tries to infect me, but I recognize it as 
spiritually sick and give it the bum's rush. Now that I see it as a 
toxic meme, I'll be even quicker on the draw.

I have recognized the meme for what it is: a response of anxiety, 
passed down through the generations. Its roots are in the sad, cold 
cellar of lovelessness and damaged trust, where children are valued 
only for their achievements, not for their own lovely selves, and 
where money stands in for real security, for family love cannot be 
relied on. My kids never caught that infection, thank God. Their 
father's doing, and mine. An achievement, greater than any number of 
PhDs or fat portfolios..

The important thing -- and with apologies to Mr. Dawkins, this really 
is specifically religious! -- is to be conscious of our own memes and 
forgiving, as best we can, of the hurts that others' memes have 
inflicted on us, for as often as not, "they know not what they do". 
That is a central Gospel message.

We have to understand that the memes we take completely for granted 
are memes that others may never have heard of. We have the 
responsibility to sort through our memes, nourishing the ones in line 
with the love of God and pruning, or even tossing out altogether, 
those that press us in other directions.

It's possible to take our memeplexes apart, thoughtfully and with 
intent. But the memes that matter are the ones that answer to God and 
that speak of self-giving love. We deal with what we've been handed, 
one meme at a time. Always.