[SB] Sabbath Blessing

[Molly Wolf]

Pay Attention

A perfect day for walking, so that's what I did: all the way downtown by my 
usual university route to have coffee with a friend, and then all the way 
back by the water's edge, a street I rarely walk along. This has been an 
extraordinary year for lilacs, and they were still hanging on there, just 
starting to fade, but now the honeysuckle is out too, and the horse 
chestnut trees' candle-like plumes of blossom. It was a day to walk not too 
fast, giving appropriate attention and praise to people's gardens, and 
that's what I did: parrot tulips here, an outburst of poppy there, peony 
buds starting to swell importantly, and the fresh green of new leaves and 
grass.

There were other walkers like me, taking our time, exchanging smiles and 
praise for the weather -- but there were others who hurried along the 
sidewalk, iPods in place and eyes cast down to the concrete, clearly 
evading any human contact and preoccupied with whatever was on their minds. 
One young man in particular was racing along, head tilted down, a 
half-smile on his face, the world entirely tuned out. I wanted to stop himm 
and yell "Stop! Pay attention!" What could be more important on a Saturday 
afternoon in May than delighting in this beauty? After all, if they were 
dealing with true emergencies, they'd be taking cabs, not walking.

I thought, there have been times in my life when I *did* have to keep my 
eyes on where my feet were, because I was (say) walking through woods where 
exposed tree roots might trip me up, or on steep and stony paths, or 
because it was winter and I had to keep an eye out for black ice or 
ill-packed frozen slush. When the footing really is difficult, you do have 
to watch it or you'll go flying. But these were concrete city sidewalks in 
(mostly) good working order, clear and dry. I could easily afford to give 
proper attention to the scenery and let my feet get on with their job.

It struck me (it usually does, that being my job) that there's a spiritual 
parallel here, and one that needs to be teased out a little. There have 
been times in my life when my journey has taken me through difficult 
landscapes, and the paths have been a mass of tree roots and black ice, 
steep and stony, and in those times, I had to focus on getting through.  I 
knew, at least in theory, that God was love and joy and peace and safety, 
but it wasn't something I could give proper attention to. I could manage 
belief. Faith, not so much. Sometimes when the path was being like that I 
could stop, just as you might stop in the woods and take a good deep breath 
and stare off into the green -- but in Canada in woods in May, that's apt 
to get you eaten alive, so I had to hustle on, eyes firmly fixed on the 
next step. I knew I was missing the beauty, but it would just have to wait.

I remember, in those times, being told by others that I should rejoice in 
God's tender love and care for me and that I should trust in Providence to 
provide, and that "all would be well". I remember nodding politely but 
without enthusiasm. I knew in theory that my comforters were correct, but 
that didn't make the comfort real and right for where I was.  I could have 
looked all around that landscape and seen no beauty in it whatsoever, for 
all I knew better. Sometimes we're not up to paying attention.

And sometimes we're paying attention to the wrong things. There was another 
May, as beautiful as this one, that I missed altogether because I was head 
over heels and love, and the beauty in my beloved's face was brighter and 
far more appealing than any mere flower.  I was wrong, of course. The core 
of the word "intoxication" is "toxic". There are so many godlets out there 
to fall in love with, so many possible seductions, so many promises that 
only God can keep. But sometimes it's hard to remember that too.

I made two promises to myself and God as I walked. One was that I'd 
remember that I have no idea why people aren't paying attention when I 
think they should be. Paying attention in general is an excellent idea, but 
sometimes we're just not on, for whatever reason. And I'm not in a position 
to judge.  The other was that each May in lilac season, I am going to set 
down whatever I'm carrying that gets in the way of paying attention, and I 
am going to do just exactly that. In detail, and with love.

You should see the lilacs, though. They really are spectacular.