[SB] Sabbath Blessing

[Molly Wolf]

Freecell Time

Either you know, and are possibly addicted to, the game, or you don't need 
to know about it at all. It's a card game that comes with Windows, and I'm 
not going to tell you about it. To try to do so would bore people who play 
Freecell and mystify those who don't. It just difficult enough to be 
engaging, and it's a marvellous time-waster.

In the last week, I have come up with the phrase "Freecell time" to 
describe a particular mindset. It's when you're so engaged in important 
internal processing that you can't do much more than play endless games of 
Freecell. I find I can manage e-mail, grocery shopping, cooking, and 
Freecell and that's just about it. If need be, I can rise to the occasion 
and act normal for an hour or so, but then it's back into Freecell mode.

There's a difference, though, between my latest bout of Freecell time and 
previous go-rounds, for I've done this before. This time, I'm accepting 
that this is where I need to be for right now instead of beating up on 
myself for not (say) picking up the clutter or doing something more 
productive. This *is* productive, and the work I'm doing, although not 
visible to the eye, is extremely important.

It's an odd place to be, a quiet place; my attention has drawn away from 
the world around me and wants to focus on my own transformative work. I am, 
bit by bit, remapping my inner world, taking down old structures and 
redesigning them. It's as though I'm walking through all the rooms of my 
soul and *seeing* them, rooms where (as the song says) "peace can hover". I 
see so much debris cleared away now that the place is starting to look 
almost respectable. I can actually see a future, and it's a pleasant view. 
This is a soul I could learn to see with greater clarity and maybe even 
love -- now, there's a change! The hard work is paying off at last, and it 
feels good.

I'm not lonely in Freecell time. I have company, a silent Presence who 
radiates pleasure at my progress and whose warmth pulls me along.  In 
difficult times, I had the choice of turning away from this Presence or of 
sticking around, and I chose (grimly and ungracefully) to stick around. It 
was almost a defiance. Now there's a quiet communion between us that 
doesn't need either prayer or proclamation. We are simply being together.

I write a sentence, get up, put away some dishes, pick up a section of 
yesterday's paper and put it in the blue bin, sit down, play Freecell for a 
minute, check my e-mail, let the cat out, let the other cat in, put away a 
book, sit down and write another sentence.... It's a peaceful way to be, 
and I am getting at least a few things done. My real-life house may be a 
disaster area, but that's okay, really. I have too much else on my plate. 
It can wait until I'm ready to come back to it.

Thank you, God. I think it's going to be all right. Truly.

******************

I'm about to hit some sacred cows, and they moo so badly. -- Phyllis 
Tickle, aka The Divine Miz T.